Rob Macaisa Colgate

History of Display
“[The] history of disabled people in the western world is in part the history of being on display,
of being visually conspicuous while politically and socially erased.” — O’Connell, 2012

First dated archaeological record of access
                    a complete skeleton except where the left leg should be
                    fossilized flowers carefully arranged

The biblical invention of body shame
                    (quite foundational really)
then Cain and Abel
then the killing of Abel
                    (which I took as a very heavy-handed
                    metaphor by God about the creation
                    of disabled people but that’s just me)

First dated archaeological record of schizophasia
                    hieroglyphics whose order suddenly stops making sense
                    (see also: first archaeological record of poetry)

Moa categorized as bird even without vestigial wings
Moa goes extinct

Therapeutic Papyrus of Thebes (not great)
St. Mary of Bethlehem (Bedlam) (not great)
Various other specialized schools/hospitals/asyla (often indiscernible)
“Idiocy” “Imbecility” “Lunacy” “Insanity” “Feeble-mindedness” (not great)

Autism evolves as next logical human progression
                    (powerful thought specialization,
                    less time wasted on trivial concerns
                    i.e. social conventions, verbal tact)

The schizophrenias evolve
as a means of good vibes

Mad people exist in public
                    (Guys this one doesn’t go well)
Mad people existing in public deemed a failure of the state
                    Mad people not considered part of the public
                    Mad people considered the part of the public that is scary
                    Mad people denied private housing
(Not sure where to put this in timeline; kind of an “always” thing?)

Electroconvulsive therapy
Lobotomy
Forced sterilization
A bunch of other stuff (bad) (let’s not get into it)
Coffee cold brewed
Bottomless brunch w/ Aperol Spritzes

Eloquence invented
(working on getting rid of this one ASAP)

As a child at summer camp I am told
bananas have a vitamin that makes you happy
                    I eat bananas until I am sick and vomit
                    Think: this must be happiness

First person to step out to the bathroom
                    while at a party and have a little freak out moment
                    while their exasperated reflection sighs at them

Carcinization discovered
All crab-looking creatures continue to be called crabs

Theater built inside CAMH (?)
Graveyard build off-site
for Austin State Hospital (?!)

Lana Del Rey releases Born to Die
                    causing thousands of adolescents
                    to develop clinical depression

My junior year of high school
                    Temporary mania-induced hyperthymesia (idk how)
My sophomore year of college
                    Develop schizoaffective disorder bipolar type
                    which all my high school friends say in hindsight
                    we totally could have seen coming

Why am I like this first uttered with disgust

My new meds make me sooooo sleepy
                    This does not fade ever

My first seven boyfriends make my psychosis worse
                    (this isn’t necessarily a bad thing
                    because I do usually love my psychosis
                    but in these seven situations
                    it did end up being really bad oops lol)

First and only time I wake up early
                    to see the sunrise over the lake
                    so now I can sleep through it forever

Horaglanis populi discovered
                    Blind catfish that lives in the subterranean pores
                    of aquifers (its whole life!) (yes it has a whole life!)

God stops showing up to creation meetings
(very overwhelmed and trouble
with insurance covering his psychotherapy)
God forgets to refill his prescription
God forgets to cool down the earth
God forgets to reinvent homeostasis
Wendy Williams performs “Native New Yorker”

First gay porn with disabled Asian top
First successful barista friendship in new country
Eli finishes community center course on caretaking
Arrival of the countertop mini-dishwasher (game changer)

Why am I like this first mumbled with wonder

Vilazodone goes generic
The nurse practitioner hugs me on his last day
First time my mom calls me disabled of her own accord

Final time I show up to the intramural fields
                    in the middle of the night
                    and the sprinklers turn on
                    and I shout I’m here! I’m real!

                    This field is real and I’m here
                    in this field and I’m real!

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Hopescrolling


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Rob Macaisa Colgate (he/she/they) is the author of the poetry collection Hardly Creatures (Tin House, 2025) and the verse drama My Love is Water (Ugly Duckling Presse, 2025).